If you are a high Builder or Banker, you might be a force to be reckoned with. You’ve got high energy, you’ve got practical skills, you know what to do and when you need to do it — but do you ever find that it rubs your loved ones in the wrong way? Especially as you work alongside those high Merchants and Innovators, the Love/Wisdom value types, often reaching out can be difficult. Conflict can arise when they aren’t helping with your work, or when they feel unloved or unappreciated for their ideas. This can be difficult; sometimes it feels like you’re just not speaking the same language. How can you handle this type of conflict?
If this is you: You probably already know that empathy is the best way through this process of getting closer and being appreciated for who you are. But the question is how to tap into that empathy, right? Even if that’s not your strongest suit, you can learn how to take another person’s perspective. Everyone can learn that; you’re no exception. Practice taking their point of view and experiencing exactly what they see and how they feel. Check in with them along the way to see if you’re getting it right; that checking in will make the biggest difference. Even if it feels awkward to you, I guarantee they will feel heard and will soften. This empathy is, in many ways, the magic key to solve this kind of conflict! So, whether it’s a coworker, your partner, or your child, when you believe you know the right thing to do and the best way to go but are facing conflict, focus on empathy. It will be more productive than you think.
If this is your loved one: If you’re on the other side of this equation, oftentimes you might feel like you have less of a say. Because, even if it’s hard to admit, you probably realize that oftentimes your practical partner is right. But the missing connection is painful! The best way to connect with your practical people in this time is to honor that practicality. Just like I suggested for them, pretend like you completely get their side. Dive deep into their point of view. Check it out, talk it through, as if you are them. When they feel heard, when they feel their competence is valued, their mind will relax. They’ll be able to be more flexible. They may even allow your influence.
If you’re not sure where you stand on the scale — Banker? Innovator? Merchant? Builder? — take ten minutes to take our free assessment: The Core Values Index.