Sometimes, the benefit of counseling is that a third party can see what you and your partner simply can’t. Sometimes, when I’m in a session, and I look at two hurting and angry adults — I try to see them as little children. They’re hurting, after all, and even as adults, they need what every child needs. They need to be loved unconditionally, cherished, delighted in, and protected. Our body might age, but our spirit is eternal, and at any given time it can be a tiny baby, a five-year-old, a rebellious teenager, a young adult, and a wise old soul — all wrapped up in one person in one moment.
How lovely it would be if we could see our partner as the precious little child — a child who we would NEVER speak harshly to. You would never want to hurt them! Choosing to see the gentle child with childlike needs can often lead to compassion you otherwise wouldn’t have been able to access. See them as a child, and see their wounds, and you’ll understand why they do what they do. Things will click and make sense more. And no, understanding doesn’t automatically fix it — but it gets you a lot closer to resolution.
Next time you’re frustrated with your partner, look at them as a sweet, small child, and see what insights that new perspective gives you. You might be surprise the progress it affords.