Money and Stress can go hand in hand. What we do with our finances speaks to what we value in life, what we have been taught about handling money and how we communicate/work with our spouse on financial issues. Many times we just have unshared expectations about how money should be used and don’t have detailed realistic plans for reaching financial goals. Below is an article sharing Five Mistakes people make with finances you might find interesting.
Nancy Anderson contributed an article to Forbes Magazine Nov. 2011 on Five Financial Mistakes that Ruin your Marriage. She shared these five to be 1) Materialism, 2) conflicting money values, 3) Adopting traditional roles when they don’t fit, 4) Having opposing money styles, 5) Magical thinking – getting results without a plan (Budget). http://www.forbes.com/sites/financialfinesse/2011/11/10/5-financial-mistakes-that-ruin-your-marriage-2/2/
“Couples who improve their attitudes about money and their communication can truly have it all. Since finances are the biggest cause of stress (a 2010 APA study found that 76% of Americans see money as a source of stress in their lives) and stress is a major cause of disease, improving financial literacy also has the added benefit of improving your health. Keeping your values in the right place and improving finances can actually bring health, wealth, and happiness. What more can we ask for?”
I can think of one other reason people don’t talk about money usage, Fear. Fear of being seen as Powerless, Unloving, Unwise, or Stupid. We especially fear that our spouse who knows us better than any one else and will judge us, because they want and expect the best of us. Many of us may fear rejection from their spouse especially if there have been any trust issues broken in the past like physical/emotional affairs or just lack of intimacy/closeness due to business. We just don’t have the energy to deal with the stress of another area in our lives that would bring conflict, so what do we do? We avoid it until we can’t avoid it any longer and the life we have been driving is now going over a cliff. That’s why I applaud anyone willing to risk and over come their fear to move into a better and deeper relationship with their mate or themselves by tackling the problem of personal finance.
You see it first starts with ourselves, we need to take personal responsibility for our spending and what we make. Then you need to look at your team, (OK I was a basketball coach for 31 years so use athletic metaphors), what are each person’s responsibilities for spending and bringing in income. This openness brings couples closer if they know they are working towards goals and objectives that they, as a team/couple have decided, are important. Also remember that two people on the same team either both win or both lose, one person can’t win while the other loses. So recognize each other’s gifts and abilities, make goals for the future, create realistic plans on how to get your goals accomplished and get people/resources with accountability and timelines to make your dreams come true.
At Core Values Counseling we take the time to help couples and individuals understand their role and responsibility with money.We lead people through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (FPU) class, plus we use the Core Values Index (CVI) to help you understand how you are wired and deal with stress.The average family pays off $5,300 in debt and saves $2,700 in the first 90 days! This will be a 10-week course rather than the normal 9-week course that FPU normally has because of the (CVI) training. We will meet for about 2 hr, from 7 to 9 on Tuesdays starting Sept. 19- Nov 21. Contact us with any questions you may have and we welcome comments or other references you may have to share with people dealing with finances.
Sign up for this class (FPU) at: https://www.http://www.fpu.com/1048775daveramsey.com/fpu